MOTIVATION. CONTROL. FOUND.

triangulatic.


Control. Something I never thought very hard about before joining Peace Corps. Probably because I had it. I lived where I wanted to live, I ate what I wanted to eat, I did what I wanted to do with very little struggle.

PCVs give up a lot to serve. We leave our friends and family back at home. Some of us leave our "cushy" American jobs with clear assignments and parameters. We leave acceptable health care and our own generally good health behind. We leave pizza delivery. We leave what is known and comfortable. We almost literally get thrown to the wolves (I'm sure some PCVs are placed near wolf dens. I wish I were....) CONTROL. We've lost control.

I have had trillions upon trillions (exaggeration) of conversations with fellow PCV friends about our disappointments and our frustrations with our service as Peace Corps Volunteers. It tends to be an ongoing conversation for many of us. Is Peace Corps what we expected it to be? What did we expect it to be even? Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of what MOTIVATED us to SERVE.

I think I found it again.

We K6s just completed our Mid-Service-Training which I now realize is a big accomplishment. Our Country Director told us (paraphrasing) that the volunteers that went home early will never know what we now know and what we gained from sticking it out. The most impactful session during our training for me was appropriately titled "Motivations of Service." It was a candid conversation with all the Community Health volunteers and our Deputy of training. We listed out our original motivations of serving in Peace Corps which segued into our frustrations once in Peace Corps. It was a much needed therapeutic conversation.

The most harmonious take away from the conversation was that "the impact of volunteers is NOT quantitative." We can go ahead and collect our data on how many moms were educated on the importance of exclusive breastfeeding or how many kids were taught how to properly wash their hands but what about the interactions that can't necessarily be tallied in a small composition book?

this is how I track how many babies i weigh. And how many mangoes i eat. equally important.


Just a few months ago, I started helping a lovely young lady named Tum Srey Lish. Srey Lish is a bubbly, friendly, funny, and kind girl. She instantly became my friend. Her name was pulled up on the US Embassy lottery to be awarded an American visa. Srey Lish wanted to improve her English and we found each other through another volunteer. When I first started meeting with her she was not sure when or even IF she would go to America. She was waiting on a phone call from the Embassy to call her in for an interview. She ended up waiting several months for that phone call.

My friend Srey Lish


In the meantime, I met with Srey Lish two times a week for 2-3 hours. Sometimes I prepared information about America like common idioms and popular sayings, she filled out a job application, we talked about interview skills, and read from the book "Half the Sky." But mostly we just talked about life.

While I was in Phnom Penh, Srey Lish called me to inform me that the Embassy finally called her and was giving her the long-awaited visa! I was, of course, extremely happy for her. But sad for me. I finally made a great friend...but she will soon be leaving me. She is actually leaving this coming Thursday. Look out America! That girl is going to do big things. Regardless of how I feel now that she's leaving, I am so grateful for the time I had with her. I think she helped me more than I helped her. I am so proud of her and excited for this big step in her life. And we WILL reunite in America.

Srey Lish & I sporting our high-fash sunglasses (mine are chanel...)


What I'm realizing now is that the personal relationships that I'm creating while here are far more meaningful than weighing babies. While I do want to SAVE ALL THE BABIES, I am hilariously far from doing that and I can't beat myself up about not doing enough baby saving. Finally accepting this, the fact that my impact - my work - won't be AS big as I originally imagined it being has given me peace of mind. I don't have that much control here but I can control the way I feel about my service. I can control my day to day actions and interactions to make small-scale changes and/or differences. And I feel good about this.

Also, regular exercise does wonders! -> I'd like to give a shout out to Jillian Michaels for shredding me. Her bad jokes really keep me going. What's one thing I have complete control over? EXERCISE. Get off your ass and bike-run-jump-dance!!!

I made a card for my host mama - this photo is pixelated!!!!noooo!!!!!


I wrote it in Khmer!!!!! (Thanks tutor!!!)



I love you all my friends!

To Catch a Thief

After living in a country for over a year, it's easy to get overly confident or what some people may call "Cocky." I would never accept such a vulgar descriptive word like "cocky" to define myself but some people may find it applicable. Regardless of what you want to call me - that's not the issue at hand - the issue at hand is safety and security in a third world country.

Peace Corps volunteers enjoy a good celebration every once in a while. The most recent celebration was to honor the newest editions to our Peace Corps Cambodia family, the K7s (AKA - the seventh group of PCVs to enter into service in Cambodia.) We had a very super professional Meet & Greet session at the office, broke up into provinces for dinner, and reconvened at our Country Director's house for hors d'oeuvres and fancy drink (i.e. > $3 wine; it was a big night.) For some of us PCVs our night shan't end simply. The night must also contain an introduction to our most frequented watering holes in the city of Phnom Penh.

A number of PCVs have entered the Mekong River Lounge in the past and cleaned the place of beer. Dancing is also a common happenstance. We often take control of the musical decisions and amaze the other perturbed guests with our quality of dance. We offer a great many forms of entertainment when there happens to be 50+ PCVs within the same establishment.

Some PCVs end their night at the Mekong and cheers to those smart individuals who believe in the power of sleep. Others find the dancing options of the Mekong limited and disappointing and therefore take their business to another area of town that offers dance varieties unknown and very foreign to the villages we spend most of our time in. This particular night, I was one such PCV. But I was thankfully not alone. At least 20 PCVs decided to learn about the dance club culture along with me. We also all refused the inconvenient form of transportation known as the tuk-tuk. Why? Because we're cheap; too cheap to spend 50¢ or perhaps 75¢ per person to get to a location in 5 - 10 minutes rather than 30 - 40 minutes by walking.

Not a tuk-tuk, Not even a Taxi.


So we began our trek - me in my $5 high heels - and within no more than 10 minutes of departing the Mekong, my night was flipped upside-down. When I walk around Phnom Penh, I tend to walk in the middle-ish of the street, often times because this is the only option. Sidewalks are for cars, ya dummies! And we own the streets, COME ON! (Here's where cockiness is an issue) And when it's near midnight, there are fewer cars and motos around so it just makes sense to walk in the street, right? Or not. I was walking and talking with some lovely K7 PCVs when suddenly a moto flew by the right side of my body and stunningly, took my purse along with it. SHOCK. I watched as two men on the moto zoomed away down the dark street, completely dumbstruck. "THEY JUST TOOK MY BAG!!" I finally managed to say to the others around me. It happened so quickly and smoothly that everyone was astounded. All I had left was the strap hanging around my neck. The thieves cut the straps and with something extremely sharp because the movement was seamless. There was no struggle, no tension. I'm incredibly lucky that I didn't get slashed in the process.

Never seen this movie before but I'm played by Grace Kelly, duh.


I am so grateful that I was surrounded by my friends, old and new, when this happened. Without them, I would have been completely helpless. Automatically, one PCV called up our Safety and Security officer - Reaksmey. This man is amazing and answers his phone even when it's nearly midnight. He cares a great deal about the volunteers and does his job better than anyone could. He calmed me down and asked me to come into the office the next day so we could write up a police report. I thanked him for talking to me at such a late hour and he told me it wasn't a problem. Seriously, he is the best of the best.

Oddly enough (or maybe I was just being normal), I continued my journey with my fellow PCVs and went dancing. My friend Mike gave me money which he really did not have to do. He just did it out of the goodness of his big ol' heart. Other PCVs joked that he would have baked me a cake right then and there if he had the ingredients (Mike is an exceptional baker.)

Katy Perry eating pizza, everyone!


After a solid couple of hours of dancing, we went to a new PCV favorite - Katy Perry Pizza. It's a pizza joint set up on the sidewalk - baking pizzas out of a large steel drum turned into an oven. Pretty solid marketing they've got going on. We consumed many a pizza and continued the socialization of the K7s. I unfortunately began recounting the items I lost when my purse was snatched. Wallet containing over $30, Cambodian bank card, American bank card, Minnesota ID, phone, small sketchbook, 2 pens, lipstick, and oh no, MY iPOD! This country does not want me to have an iPod. My good ol' classic iPod was buried here after 7 or so good years. My parents sent me a new iPod touch for my birthday last year and a month later it mysteriously disappeared. And now this one rode off on a moto.

Losing an iPod is never an accepted incident. And it especially broke my heart because of my need for music while running and more so, my love affair with Instagram. My Olympus Pen E-PL1 is acting finicky lately so I don't take him out anymore. My iPod became the perfect tool for documenting the most interesting things I see in this country. The iPod camera wasn't the best quality but it was enough to capture the people, the oddities, and sceneries that really make Cambodia stand out. So unfortunately there may be a photo drought for a while.

this little lady regrets the loss of Lauraxamo's Instagram access


On the contrary, upon my realization that my iPod was gone, another volunteer - a new volunteer, named Devin casually offered to GIVE ME his iPod. He said he had two so I could take the extra, at least temporarily. How can someone be so nice? The kindness of volunteers, the network we have within our kooky family is incredible and is only growing stronger. I am forever indebted to Devin for his gift. And I practically just met the guy!

Bike journey Instagrammed



The night of dancing and debauchery ended quite late and once I returned to my room, I was alone to my thoughts and realized there was no way I could sleep. So I decided to Skype with my parents at 4AM. They thought it odd I be awake at such an hour and also thought my face looked particularly cried on. "I am crying" I responded and gave them the rundown of my night. Talking to them put me at ease. I have really awesome parents. I miss those guys like something crazy. And eventually I let them go and thought it was perhaps time to sleep. Sleeping was a disappointment and unsuccessful so I gave up and went for a run instead. I needed to blow off steam. And with the leftover money from Mike I bought myself cookies for an after-run snack. Feeling better already.

Following the run, I cleaned myself up and made my way to the Peace Corps office but stopped by a cage of puppies for sale and told everyone of them I was going to buy them. False promises. Coincidentally I ran into Mike after the puppy-stop and he gave me a brand new sketch book and nice drawing pencils! I am blown away by this guy. I'm gonna draw him up something real nice. At the office, Safety and Security officer, Reaksmey, and I recapped the theft so he could file a police report. My phone was replaced and the phone number is still the same which is super duper great. Reaksmey helped me deal with my Cambodian bank account and set almost everything right. I could not be happier with how this situation was handled. He deserves a raise!

The theft of my purse was not the first nor the last this weekend. I was one of 4 volunteers that were robbed within 3 days. As I left the office with two other volunteers, my friend Amanda's purse was also taken in the clear of day. It's possible that with increased tension surrounding the recent election is one reason for an increase in crime. This is also true during big Cambodian holidays like the Water Festival and Khmer New Year, when more people are traveling around. But one thing is for sure, these thieves are GOOD at what they do. They have it down to an art, a repulsive art form but practiced and perfected nonetheless.

These thieves do not represent the country Cambodia truly is. Khmer people are the most generous and welcoming people I've met so far and these thieves are a despicable people making a bad name of a remarkable place. Tourism is rapidly building up the economy and it would be a shame to see petty crime ruin the progress of a country that deserves so much love. I am very disappointed and borderline rage-full of the events that took place this week but I'm not letting this experience ruin Cambodia for me. It is by no means perfect here but it is something special and awe-inspiring. I'm taking this as a learning experience; to reduce my "cockiness" while in the city, be smarter about my belongings and myself. Overall, this experience makes me appreciate my life in the village where there is an established closeness and trust amongst everyone and that alone makes me feel more safe and secure. I may not have caught any thieves but I have been graced with the kindness and support of many outstanding volunteers and Peace Corps staff.

This yay is proof of Cambodia's greatness