MOTIVATION. CONTROL. FOUND.

triangulatic.


Control. Something I never thought very hard about before joining Peace Corps. Probably because I had it. I lived where I wanted to live, I ate what I wanted to eat, I did what I wanted to do with very little struggle.

PCVs give up a lot to serve. We leave our friends and family back at home. Some of us leave our "cushy" American jobs with clear assignments and parameters. We leave acceptable health care and our own generally good health behind. We leave pizza delivery. We leave what is known and comfortable. We almost literally get thrown to the wolves (I'm sure some PCVs are placed near wolf dens. I wish I were....) CONTROL. We've lost control.

I have had trillions upon trillions (exaggeration) of conversations with fellow PCV friends about our disappointments and our frustrations with our service as Peace Corps Volunteers. It tends to be an ongoing conversation for many of us. Is Peace Corps what we expected it to be? What did we expect it to be even? Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of what MOTIVATED us to SERVE.

I think I found it again.

We K6s just completed our Mid-Service-Training which I now realize is a big accomplishment. Our Country Director told us (paraphrasing) that the volunteers that went home early will never know what we now know and what we gained from sticking it out. The most impactful session during our training for me was appropriately titled "Motivations of Service." It was a candid conversation with all the Community Health volunteers and our Deputy of training. We listed out our original motivations of serving in Peace Corps which segued into our frustrations once in Peace Corps. It was a much needed therapeutic conversation.

The most harmonious take away from the conversation was that "the impact of volunteers is NOT quantitative." We can go ahead and collect our data on how many moms were educated on the importance of exclusive breastfeeding or how many kids were taught how to properly wash their hands but what about the interactions that can't necessarily be tallied in a small composition book?

this is how I track how many babies i weigh. And how many mangoes i eat. equally important.


Just a few months ago, I started helping a lovely young lady named Tum Srey Lish. Srey Lish is a bubbly, friendly, funny, and kind girl. She instantly became my friend. Her name was pulled up on the US Embassy lottery to be awarded an American visa. Srey Lish wanted to improve her English and we found each other through another volunteer. When I first started meeting with her she was not sure when or even IF she would go to America. She was waiting on a phone call from the Embassy to call her in for an interview. She ended up waiting several months for that phone call.

My friend Srey Lish


In the meantime, I met with Srey Lish two times a week for 2-3 hours. Sometimes I prepared information about America like common idioms and popular sayings, she filled out a job application, we talked about interview skills, and read from the book "Half the Sky." But mostly we just talked about life.

While I was in Phnom Penh, Srey Lish called me to inform me that the Embassy finally called her and was giving her the long-awaited visa! I was, of course, extremely happy for her. But sad for me. I finally made a great friend...but she will soon be leaving me. She is actually leaving this coming Thursday. Look out America! That girl is going to do big things. Regardless of how I feel now that she's leaving, I am so grateful for the time I had with her. I think she helped me more than I helped her. I am so proud of her and excited for this big step in her life. And we WILL reunite in America.

Srey Lish & I sporting our high-fash sunglasses (mine are chanel...)


What I'm realizing now is that the personal relationships that I'm creating while here are far more meaningful than weighing babies. While I do want to SAVE ALL THE BABIES, I am hilariously far from doing that and I can't beat myself up about not doing enough baby saving. Finally accepting this, the fact that my impact - my work - won't be AS big as I originally imagined it being has given me peace of mind. I don't have that much control here but I can control the way I feel about my service. I can control my day to day actions and interactions to make small-scale changes and/or differences. And I feel good about this.

Also, regular exercise does wonders! -> I'd like to give a shout out to Jillian Michaels for shredding me. Her bad jokes really keep me going. What's one thing I have complete control over? EXERCISE. Get off your ass and bike-run-jump-dance!!!

I made a card for my host mama - this photo is pixelated!!!!noooo!!!!!


I wrote it in Khmer!!!!! (Thanks tutor!!!)



I love you all my friends!