The Entertainer

I'm not gonna lie; I like attention. (I think I've mentioned this before...)

I have, from time to time throughout my life, enjoyed being the center of attention. (Don't laugh.) But one specification is that I choose when to be the entertainer. In order to be the center of attention, I have to #1. know my audience to a certain degree. And #2. I have to feel a certain amount of comfort with my audience. But the overall most important feature of receiving attention is that I have, in some way, control of this attention and if I get overwhelmed, I have the control to at some point run away and hide because sometimes I also have social anxiety and would rather be alone. (Dear audience: I hope you enjoy reading about how crazy I am. I'm not ashamed to admit that I've got issues. We've all got issues! And shoes!)

The Entertainer: I once figure skated to this song.


Now. Picture this: A moderately small village in the middle of Cambodia all of a sudden receives a ghostly creature that walks around everyday, choppily speaking the local language, and petting the dogs. For a handful of the people in this village, especially the young children, this is the first time they've ever seen a creature of such strange facial features and such a pallid skin tone. I can understand how puzzling such a creature may appear and how difficult it would be NOT to stare. But after a year, you'd think - YOU'D THINK!!! This creature would be old news by now.

The village I live in is a spot on a main highway smack dab in-between Phnom Penh and another popular city, Kampot, in Cambodia. It's INCREDIBLY loud - due to the traffic, especially because of the gigantic semi-trucks tumbling and speeding by every minute. And it is very transient. People from all over Cambodia stop by my village while they are traveling around the country. There's a decent sized market for van loads of people to stop and buy food to snack on during their travels. And when this happens, a van load of fresh eyes get to gaze upon the ghostly creature - ME - creeping around the village.

Find the foreigner! Photo credit: Kate Yoder.


Being a Peace Corps Volunteer is a 24/7 job. The moment I step foot out my room, I am essentially ON-DUTY. I have to churn out Khmer to the first person that I set my eyes on. I have to tell people where I'm going and what I'm doing at all times. I was never really a fan of small talk and, unfortunately, small talk is every conversation of my life, ever in Cambodia. Khmer people are the BEST at small talk! People will be rolling by on their motos and ask me where I'm going and not even wait to listen to my response. And rather than asking how someone is - a more common question is to ask if they've eaten rice yet "Hop bai howee rue nou?" It's just something they do. Small small small talk.

Fortunately, I have a pretty normal routine - I eat my breakfast at the same place, I drink my coffee at the same place, and talk to the same people on my way to and from work. Those people involved in my routine everyday respect me and I respect them. However, there is still this spotlight on me where everything and anything I do is somehow different (and spectacularly entertaining!!!) in comparison to everyone else in the village and therefore people must take note of this. People chuckle every time I tell them what I'm eating for breakfast. "Goat jol jet nyam baan chaio neung quitio chaa." ("She likes to eat baan chaio and fried noodles.") They point out that I drink coffee every morning but don't really notice that pretty much everyone else drinks coffee in the morning also. But I guess it's just that much more interesting because I am the foreigner.

When I go running, the same children scream "Hellllllloooooooooooooooo" at me and scream even louder when I don't respond still after running through the village for over a year now. People still offer me a ride on their motos when they pass me while I'm running. You'd think - YOU'D THINK, that after a year, they'd realize that I'm not trying to get somewhere, I'm just exercising. I'm that weird foreigner that exercises and pets dogs.

And I can't help but wonder - is being the foreigner like this in every third world country?

During our pre-service training, Peace Corps staff told us that staring in Cambodia is rude. But somehow this does not appear to apply when the gaze is turned around and pointing like a flesh burning laser on to a foreigner. I still can't quite figure this out. And think that the whole thing about "staring being rude" is a load of crap...

I have never felt so uncomfortable on such a regular basis because of so much unwanted attention. Strangers at the market blatantly taking photos of me with their camera phones. People, young and old, turning 180 degrees around in their seat - rubbernecking - to stare with unblinking eyes at me while I eat my bowl of noodles. I have never appreciated the idea of anonymity so much. The very concept of anonymity seems so foreign to me now that I am the token foreigner.

There are bad days, when I get so fed up with this unwanted attention that I find myself struggling to leave my room. Aren't they bored of me yet? I'm not here for their entertainment and yet, many days I feel like that's all I'm good for. "What's that weird foreigner up to today? Maybe she'll run down the road again." And on the days I don't run down the road - they are sure to make note of it and ask me about it later. "Why didn't you exercise today?" But those are the bad days.

But then there are good days. The days when I choose to be "the center of attention." The days I choose to dance with the neighbor kids in the front yard. The days I humor the random person passing through the village and answer 20 questions for them. My patience for this is growing thin but luckily, it's still present and hopefully enough to last me the next 9 months.

Sometimes I choose to be the center of attention in Cambodia. Photo credit: Hayley Knicely.


And I have to remind myself that I am kind of a novelty to the people in this village. I understand that it is strange seeing someone like me in the middle of nowhere in Cambodia. It just gets old when the 7,000 person is asking me who I am and why I'm here. No matter how much I fight this, it's not going to change. And I need to take this opportunity to teach the people in my village what some Americans are like. This is a goal for all Peace Corps Volunteers serving in all countries throughout the world.

I also have to remind myself that this experience is novel! I forget how unique this experience really is and it's rejuvenating to be reminded of how fascinating my life is right now. The fascination has worn off because of unavoidable monotony but every once in a while something completely bazaar happens and it brings me back to the Kingdom of Wonder - Cambodia. It's not everyday you see an elephant walk passed you during your morning coffee. It's not everyday (in America) you see two grown pigs attached to the back of a moto. It's not everyday the neighbors try to kill the sewer rats with rocks and sticks. There are things that are uniquely Cambodian (as far as I know) that I will miss once I'm back in Cambodia and again, I'm trying to remind myself (look to previous post "TIME SLIP") that my days in Cambodia are numbered. I can't let all this unwanted attention ruin the rest of my time here. It will still aggravate me but I will try to focus on the positive. And won't it be super weird going back to America where no one cares who I am? I will no longer be a celebrity! This is why celebrities go crazy!!! Losing celebrity can't be easy...

Random elephant marching through town. Photo credit: Stacy Biggs

So there was my rant.

Time Slip

Last week, I was sitting around with the nurses at the health center and my favorite nurse, Chinda, asked me how much longer till I go back to America. This is a question I get asked, without fail, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And I think to myself "Geez, do ya'll want me get outta your country or what?!" Hopefully that is NOT the case. Most likely it is not. It's actually a pretty obvious question to ask an extremely out-of-place foreigner, especially when they've already been living in your village for over a year.

Anyway, I informed Chinda and the nurses that I have about 9 to 10 months left in Cambodia. And when I said this to Chinda in particular, I felt a pinch of sadness. When randoms ask me that question (EVERY day, remember) I just brush it off. But surprisingly, I have really come to love the staff at the health center. There are days, yesterday for example, when they push ALL of my buttons; when they'd rather sit and "nyay layng"(loosely: chit-chat) rather than take care of the patients that are patiently (ha...) waiting to get helped. Or when they can't give me a straight answer; "Do we have this vaccination or not? This woman has been waiting a while to get it..." The question is received with blank stares...And I am the one who has to inform the woman that we don't have the vaccination and I have NO idea when we're going to get it.

So, there are days when I feel like no progress is being made and I'm just banging my head on the freshly painted wall (thanks to me!!) of the health center. But then there are good days. Days when I walk around with a smile on my face and babies to squeeze. On those happy days, I think about how soon I will be leaving Cambodia. And how it feels maybe a little too soon.

But I'm not going to lie, I can't wait to go home. Home - America - feels like a far off distant land of wonder to me now. It feels so far away and so obscure. A nurse trainee asked me last week to compare Cambodia and America and I was at a complete loss of words. One reason is because I can only speak so much awesome Khmer. The other reason was because I almost couldn't remember what is so different about America compared to Cambodia. It was a strange moment for me.

One good day can make up for a month of bad days in Cambodia. October was a very long month for me...it went by as slow as molasses. And the good day didn't come until October 31st when I got to help with Measles vaccinations at a primary school in my community. I woke up that morning in a bad mood because none of the staff informed me of a plan the day before so I assumed I wouldn't be helping with vaccinations. Nonetheless, I put on my shiny new blue polo with the vaccination logo and went about my morning routine. I arrived at the health center early and several nurses from neighboring health centers were putting together the vaccination kits. They all stared at me with wonder, of course, and didn't ask me if I wanted to help (of course.) I could have put myself out there and asked them if they needed help but my mood was getting in my way.

Vaccination doctor, Loak Gru Koy, on the left. He's awesome.


Our vaccination doctor arrived late, typical, picked up his kit, and just as he was about to zoom away I said I wanted to go. And off we went. Thank goodness I stopped being such a crabby-patty because I had such a great time helping. We vaccinated 170 little kids. My job was to keep count (which I'm not sure I did such a thorough job...) And after we finished up we went to M'layk (a lake surrounded by mountains) sat in hammocks, ate a roasted chicken and felt happy about life. The mountains, trees, and sky shined a little brighter after all of that.

Little ones reaching out to their friend that is crying after her shot


Now, I am trying to remind myself that I don't have much time left here so I have to appreciate everything...or most things.

after each child received their shot, they dipped their finger in ink to prove they got their vaccination already.


I love that all I have to do is walk across the street to the market to eat my favorite breakfast every morning. And that it only cost me about 40 cents! I love drinking ice coffee with the moto and taxi drivers. I like to think I've become sort of an honorary member of their crew when we sit together every morning.

M'layk at its best.


I love that I walk in-between grazing cows to get to work everyday. I love having afternoons to myself - I have possibly watched more TV here than I have in my whole life! I love running through rice paddies and watching the sun set behind the mountains every night. I love that when I'm running, people ask me if I'm tired and my go-to response is always "Aut jeh hot dtay!" which means that I don't know how to be tired. I say this even when I am truly tired but I guess I'm trying to convince myself otherwise. I love that after I eat dinner with my family, all four of our cats jump on the dinner table and have a fancy feast of our leftovers. Is this something that ever happened to me in America? No way jose!

STOP! Hammock time!!!!


So what I'm really trying to say, I guess, is that I appreciate you, Cambodia. You piss me off sometimes but I don't know what I'd do without you. You will forever have a special place in my heart.

And here's a shout out to Team Takeo!!!

Muy Ch'nam, howee. Muy Ch'nam, tdee'ut.

1 year, already. 1 year, more.

Yay selling amazing little things she made out of probably banana leaves.


This year flew by but if you asked the past-Laura, Laura in January for example, she would say that time was CRAWLING by. It's odd how time in this country creeps along. It was really difficult to get this particular blog post started because I was, first of all, worried that I don't have a lot to show for after a whole year in Peace Corps. And second of all, where do I even begin? There is actually a lot to say but how does one sum up a year of being pulled up from the roots and dropped into an unknown land?

little girl strolling in Kampot town


BOOKS. I read a personal record number of books this past year....Approximately 25 books so far. That's an average of about 2 books per month. Way better than my reading average in USA of about 2 books every 4 months or so. Reading now takes precedent over movie and TV show watching for me. I consider this great progress toward improved brain nourishment. I'm trying to read all the books I should have read during middle school, high school, and college. I am not well-read and am severely lacking the the Classics department. So PLEASE! If you have any recommendations, please send them my way. Must feed brain.

LANGUAGE! Huh, I guess that could be considered somewhat significant. A little over a year ago, I had trouble saying "hello" in Khmer. Now, I can make my way through a day in a village; eat breakfast at the market, chat with folks at the coffee shop, and awkwardly try to explain student loans to the health center staff IN KHMER! Luckily, I continue to learn more each day. I have a long way to go but I am happy with my language skills at this point. There are more than 12 million people that speak Khmer in the world. Out of a population of over 7 billion people, I'd say it's something to be proud of to speak such an antiquated language. Soksabaii. Happy healthy.

Khmer Family. Living with a Khmer family was one of my biggest challenges and stressors this year. It was most difficult because I went from living somewhat on my own for practically 7 years, to living within a household in a completely different cultural context than my own. I lost control of when and what I ate on a daily basis. I no longer had free reign over my own room - decorating, nesting, etc. I was also moved around from room to room within the house and that was stressful and confusing to me.

My Lovely Host Parents: Sok Sovanara & Srey Kompeak


After all the stress and confusion settled at home, I was able to realize that I could not/would not trade my adoptive Khmer family for another one. My host mom and I have a special connection and she was the first one to ever mention this. I do things that I usually would not do for her, because I want to make her happy. It's the least I can do since she welcomed me into her home, feeds me more than enough food, and is always making sure I am happy. And she continues to remind me "Kom kut ch'raan" or "don't think too much." These words have now become a personal mantra that I think to myself when I am indeed "thinking too much."

Speaking of feeding me: My host mom just gave me some bananas...


This past year, I watched my little host brother Theva grow up right before my eyes. He was a shy, chubby, silly 13 year old boy when I first met him. He is slowly growing into a young man; growing taller and stretching the chubbiness out, his voice is lower, and he's more confident with each day. I watched my host sister Srey Neang's pregnant belly grow and felt helpless when she suffered with unending nausea and morning (or evening) sickness. She gave birth in May to a sweet little girl that they call Lita. I get to watch her and her husband raise the little one and I am impressed with their parenting skills. I'm happy to report that she is already a smart, happy, and healthy baby.

Travel. I never imagined I would be serving the Peace Corps in South East Asia but I must say, I am lucky. This side of the world is incredible. So much history and such a different cultural setting than I've ever experienced. I am also so close to places I only dreamed of visiting. India for one, I previously treated as a travel "hoop-dream". I didn't think I'd get a chance to travel to India until much later in my life but lo! and behold! I made my way through southern India earlier this year and plan on returning to explore the northern parts of India in the future.

Bike adventures are endless.


Something even more surprising to me, is all the wonders that Cambodia contains in such a small and somewhat modest country. Most of us are aware of Angkor Wat which I not only had the privilege to see but I also ran my first half marathon all around the fallen Empire. Not many people can say that. Beyond the deep-seated history that I'm fortunate to be surrounded by, I also have access to rivers, the Gulf of Thailand, the ocean (well, South China Sea...) and ISLANDS! I'm practically in paradise.

Cans on Cans on Cans - life on the island is tough.


Food. For the most part, I have not been disappointed by food in this country. EXCEPT FOR THE EXCESS OF RICE but that's a rant for another day. My host mom is an excellent cook and I am very seriously excited every night for our meals together. This is also when I finally get to spend quality time with my host family since everyone is busy throughout the day. The most unexpected foods that I LOVE and never thought I'd be eating are as follows (in order of most favorite):

1. Frogs. Especially when they are in this soup that includes lemon grass, chili peppers, basil, and other things unknown to me.
2. Baan Chaiov (especially with fried quivtio noodles(thick white noodles)) I've talked about this one before - it's like a Khmer crepe and so so good.) I can get this number for about 37 cents at my market. Mmmmmm Khmer breakfast......
3. Fish. Some fish, particularly when it comes from either the sea, the Mekong, or Tonle Sap. These fish are big, with beautiful white flesh, and fewer choking-hazard-bones. We eat this fish with SPICY tuk trai (fish sauce) and fresh veggies. My mouth is watering just thinking about this meal.
4. Sautéed pumpkin vine.
5. Sautéed Trakuon (morning glory but not the morning glory you're thinking of.)
6. And watermelon still surprises me. I never thought I would get over the texture of this fruit but now I can eat an entire watermelon in one sitting (they're a little smaller here...)

And then there are the foods that I've tried because I pretty much try anything within reason, but for whatever reason, just don't know how to eat. "Aut je nyam" is a wonderful phrase that Khmer people use when they are not particularly fond of a certain food. It means I don't know how to eat that. It's a great tool here except it doesn't always work on my host mom. Sometimes, regardless of whether I say "aut je nyam" or not, she might just pile something on my plate and say "nyam baan tic, nyam baan tic!" or "just eat a little." Well....if you insist.

I do not know how to eat:
1. ANTS! I hate ants. SO MUCH! They are likely to take over this country any time now. Unless Khmer people continue to eat them...but I will not eat them...so I will just encourage others to eat them for me. But Khmer people LOVE ants. And these ants are gigantic! About the size of a baby hippopotamus. They especially love them in a sour ant soup. This is the best way to eat ants because sometimes when I am humoring my host mom by eating a spoonful, the ant's claws will hook onto my lips and hang there. In complete disgust and fear, I TEAR the ant off of my lip and throw it on the ground, all the while maintaining a presence of complete calm and composure in front of my host family. Ahhh...they didn't even notice me freak out...

2. Other bugs; crickets (because they resemble cockroaches way too much) and cockroaches, I don't eat them. I do want to try a fried tarantula though. Soon.
3. Prahok. Some forms of this are tolerable but not beyond 2-4 bites.
4. Creatures with shells or protective homes surrounding their bodies. I will eat them but not always with delight. Snails - least like. Shellfish - not bad.
5. Raw-ish shrimp. I did this once because my host dad was doing it. It was not pleasant and I was slightly unhappy when I realized everyone else in my host family thought it was weird and gross.

And last but not least...

WORK. This was what I was loathing to summarize when I started this blog post. I had some failed attempts at work this year. I am most disappointed in my lack of follow through with teaching at the primary school. I was really looking forward to this before I actually got into the school and started "teaching." The first couple of weeks was fulfilling enough, especially compared to what I wasn't doing at the health center. My favorite part about teaching was leaving the school at the end of my lesson...because I had 6 million children trying to hold my hand as I walked to my house. But there were so many factors that led me to believe that teaching is NOT my forte. This was hard for me to accept. I was a teacher for all of my stuffed animals sitting in their makeshift desks made from drawers of my old creaky dresser when I was six years old. I never failed my stuffed animals; how could I fail my real-live-breathing-children that consider me a celebrity?

Like I said, teaching is not my forte as far as I know and without proper training on HOW to teach I won't really know. I am not interested in preparing lessons; I prefer to "wing-it." And very seriously: how does one ACTUALLY TEACH? It's simply beyond me at this point. I applaud those that know the secret. Besides that, the "classes" I was teaching were not organized in any way, shape, or form. Kids of all ages continued to pile into the library and most of them were not paying attention to me. The teachers in the back of the room wanted me to teach them English but for some reason they could not fathom having a separate lesson from the kids at a different time. In the end, I was fed up and stopped showing up. I'm not proud of this but on the other hand, I started to find a place in the health center and finally felt good about it.

Sit! Good baby.


It's not a lot to brag about but I really LOVE weighing babies. I now feel confident enough to approach mothers coming to the health center and I ask them what they are there for. Most of the mothers are there for vaccinations for their babes. So I bring the moms and babes to the vaccination room, weigh the babes, and mark their weight on the growth monitoring chart. I mention whether or not the child is at a healthy weight for their age and try to give advice if the baby is under weight. My main goal in doing this is to show the health center staff that I do this EVERY TIME A BABY COMES IN TO GET A VACCINATION. Not once in a while (yu yu m'dong.) Every damn dong! (Every damn time!) Consistency. I hope that the health center staff will take note of what I'm doing and eventually start doing it themselves and do it even better because they speak Khmer quite better than me. And hopefully they will be able to encourage mothers to pay more attention to what their babes are eating or not eating.
I heart you.


My time at the health center everyday is short. There is just not enough for me to do. Luckily I've supplemented my work load by taking on illustration jobs. I have been drawing some of the most dull, and strange, and repetitive drawings that will be used in training manuals for present and future Peace Corps Cambodia volunteers. I really like doing this. Sometimes I feel like my eyes are bleeding by the time I'm finished with a handful of organs or proper first aid drawings but it's worth it. It's going to be nice to see all of my drawings nicely placed within the pages of manuals that will make the lives of Health Education volunteers much easier. (Hopefully.)

This babies name is "Laura (Lo-rah in Khmer)"


I helped a neighboring health center get a new latrine built - the conclusion to this project can be found HERE.

My health center will be getting a make-over in September thanks to the US Navy. A couple Navy engineers and US Embassy employees visited the Tramkok health center earlier this month and made an assessment on what could be repaired based on a $200K grant for humanitarian assistance construction within Takeo province. My health center director was hoping for a lot of new things, including a new roof for our secondary building. When the engineers looked at the 35 year old building, they all cringed a little. If the roof was torn off to build a new one, it would not happen because the building itself is too dangerous. The building is falling apart. So I wrote up a proposal to get the old building demolished and replaced! If this proposal gets approved, the building should be completed in two years. I might not be here by the time the grand opening happens, but I am so happy to even have a chance of this happening for the Tramkok health center. We hope.

Howee. I think I am done summarizing my year. It was so hard to start this summary but it was almost harder to stop once I got started.

My neighbors dog (my best friend): he's deaf and a cartoon. I love him.


Peace.
Love.
Dove.