And Boo has this daughter whom I've never met. She got married this weekend, so I met her there. No big deal, I was one of her bridesmaids.
How did that happen exactly? Good question...I'll tell you how I finally figured out that I was indeed going to be a bridesmaid in my first ever Khmer wedding (attending and/or participating.)
Boo comes over to my house every once in a while to eat dinner with my family. Boo likes me, I think. He talks to me and I agree with enthusiasm to everything he says to me. Unfortunately he sounds like he's talking with marbles in his mouth so I never know what I'm agreeing to when I do so. Months ago I was able to pick up through our difficult conversation that his daughter would be getting married in January. "Cool" I thought, "I really want to show off my dance moves during the reception."
As we neared the date of the wedding, Boo would come over and mumble some things about me and babies and how they'd be pretty or something or other. The harder I tried to listen, the less I understood of his muffled speech. It was a fun game to guess what he was saying. He would hold my hand for a little too long, and holding my hand at all is unusual for any Khmer man to do. I told him my mom was coming in February and he said she should come in January instead to attend the wedding. I told him it's very difficult to change airline tickets and also very expensive. Since he thinks me and my American family are rich, he kind of scoffed at my response. Money shouldn't be an issue, what's important is that my mom attends the wedding.
About a week before the wedding, Boo came over for dinner once again; held my hand, talked about the wedding, and I only took in so much information. Then, my host mom said some things (in Khmer) like "put on make-up and dress..." and then I said "yes! yes!" And I smiled for everyone to let them know I would do whatever they wanted me to do. The way my host mom explained this to me, the dressing up and make-up and stuff, made me think...maybe perhaps I will be in this wedding?
Khmer weddings are typically about two days long and day one was set for January 19th. I didn't know when or how anything would pan out, I just waited patiently for my host mom to give me the signal. I waited around on Saturday morning, twiddled my thumbs, got tired of sitting around so I went to the market for my ice coffee fix. Finally I was told by my host pa that host mom was at the salon and that she was calling for me.
And this is where I got my first set of fake nails.
Awww yeah, I instagrammed that shiiiit. Gross.
It was at the beauty salon that I really REALLY started to think I was to be a bridesmaid for this shindig. The head midwife from the health center came to get her hair did and talked to my host mom about the wedding. Through my excellent listening skills (I can listen/understand Khmer much better than I can speak it) I heard the midwife ask "how is Laura going to be the bridesmaid when she doesn't even know the bride?" I was thinking the same thing. Then host mom explained that host Boo loves me and that he really wanted me to be in the ceremony (or something like that.) Then I thought to myself "Self, are you really gonna be a bridesmaid for the first time in your life in a Khmer wedding?" But I didn't want to jinx myself by thinking too excitedly that I was really going to be in the wedding. So I played it cool, yo.
Khmer weddings are all about tradition and loud music being amplified for all the neighboring provinces to hear. Day one was more intimate, with mostly gung-ho yays and immediate family members. And me, of course. The first ceremony I attended was to ask for the elders blessing in order for the bride and groom to marry. Apparently this ceremony is called "Inviting the Elders to Chew Betel Nut."
Ceremony #1 with the traditional Khmer band
The groom, bride, and parents
For some reason, there was also spraying of cologne. Boo went around spraying everyone's head. It was entertaining but not the most pleasant smelling cologne.
everyone clearly loves this part of the ceremony
even the kids think the music is a little loud
I was not involved in day one of the wedding, which made me question my very participation in the wedding. Luckily for me, the groom's sister was practically fluent in English and was able to clarify for me that I was indeed a bridesmaid. Even with this solidified information in my brain, I was still worried about how it would all work. "What clothing was I to wear? Do they provide the clothing for me? I hope they put make-up on my face to make me look like Jennifer Lopez." I was awkward and unsure in all of my thoughts especially because I was told I wouldn't be sleeping in my own bed but on the wood floor of a random house with many random people for the night. That night also happened to be the coldest night I have ever experienced in Cambodia and all I had to keep myself warm was a towel. I curled up in the fetal position in order to get optimum coverage with the towel from head to toe. As I was sweetly falling asleep, Boo woke me to tell me he was putting a blanket on me. "oh, gee...thanks Boo...but you didn't have to wake me up for that..."
Sleeping on the floor was not really any issue for me since sleeping on the floor was one of my favorite things to do as a wee little one. However, oftentimes when I sleep in foreign places I tend to wake up extremely early and don't know what to do with myself. I was always the first one awake during sleepover parties. So, of course I woke up at 3:30AM. The application of cosmetics and hairspray begins at 4AM (along with the amplified Khmer music) anyway so I was on the right track to bridesmaidship.
I was the first one to get my mask put on and then I sat around for 2 hours. Finally, my hair was quickly crimped and put up, with hair extensions and orchids to accent. Then the first costume was put on. All of the wedding party was dressed in shiny gold outfits. This outfit was by far my favorite. Unfortunately I do not have photos but hope to acquire ALL photos of myself from the official photographers of the wedding.
The Bride or "Goan Kr'mum" getting all done up. Kr'mum alone means virgin.
One of my fellow Bridesmaid's hair. I was super jealous cuz the other bridesmaids had long luscious locks and didn't require extensions.
We finally made our public entrance at 8:30AM (I've already been awake for 5 hours! what?!) We walked in a procession through all the guests seated in the shape of an aisle. Then the entertainers, a man and woman dressed in traditional Khmer garb as well, walked down the aisle and sang about the 36 fruits that must be given as gifts to the couple. There must be at least 36 fruits present during this ceremony or something bad happens...I don't really know this but I'm sure it would be chaotic if there were not 36 fruits present.
Then we returned to our hot and stuffy room for a costume change. Next we were all dressed in shiny pink outfits with the funny Khmer puffy MC Hammer pants.
In our "dressing room"
And next was the hair cutting ceremony. The whole wedding party walked around a table and then almost every guest symbolically cut the hair of the bride and groom. This represents a fresh start in their relationship. This is also to wish them happiness, prosperity, and longevity.
Following this ceremony, we finally ate lunch and I had a hefty headache. My host family left me to go hang out at the lake and I sat around for several hours. But fortunately, I found an American girl at the ceremony! She was also stuck at the party for the long haul because her host mom was the groom's sister. Kate (that is my new American friend's name) was fresh to Cambodia, only a week and a 1/2 into her 12 week study abroad program. I rambled on and on to this poor girl because it was such a relief to speak English. We both were experiencing what may be considered "Caffeine headaches" as we did not get our fix of coffee yet. Being the prized foreigners at the wedding, someone was sent out to get the coffee for us. Talk about service!
And then I had to leave her to get my second layer of make-up and hair done.
The other two Bridesmaids: we were rushed to get our hair/make-up fixed up only to sit for another hour.
Then we stood at the entrance of the party for about two hours with the groomsmen to greet the guests coming in for the real party. Every guest received party favors (fruit shaped keychains!) at the entrance. I was a spectacle, believe it or not. My favorite part was blowing the minds of a couple of my high school students and health center staff. They were shocked to see me at the wedding at all...let alone with traditional Khmer garb on. It was awesome.
After the last guests trickled in, we had one last costume change into our party dresses and one last ceremony. We walked around a table again, three times. Then the bride and groom lit candles. The wax of the candle represents anger and by burning it, it's an agreement of the newlyweds to not be angry with each other in their marriage. Then we finally got to eat dinner. I ate a little Khmer salad, some cashews, and drank half a beer until I was forced onto the dance floor. Now's my time to shine!
How many times can you dance around a circle until it gets beyond boring? Apparently, it never gets old for Khmer people since we danced around the same table for 3 hours straight. I busted out my latest moves and once again, blew the minds of everyone. Who knew the twist was such an impressive dance move?!
I was followed around by far too many overly eager and drunken older Khmer men. My host family did not seem to catch onto my body language/distressed face as I tried to escape the strange convulsive dancing of these men. But rather than letting these guys ruin my night, I just embraced my extreme exhaustion by dancing even stranger because everyone thought my moves were the cat's pajamas. Indeed, they were.
I, on the other hand, was entranced by the moves of an unsung dancing queen. He wore green camouflage pants, gold spray painted army boots, and a skin tight yellow t-shirt that read "SINGLE SINGLE SINGLE" in shiny gold lettering. He danced in his own world, his eyes shut, toes pointed, and leaning as far back as possible as if to win the imaginary game of Limbo. He pointed his fingers to the sky, sometimes his pointer fingers but sometimes his middle fingers. Luckily it doesn't mean the same thing in Cambodia as it does in America. It probably means nothing in Cambodia.
Dancing 50 more times around the table and I was finally able to go home. And I can say, without a doubt, that this was my favorite and most memorable fully Khmer experience so far.
Still looking fly after 20 straight hours of Khmer wedding madness.
Perhaps I will have a Khmer wedding of my own someday............................................................
